We recently went on a trip to visit friends and family. Z was holding my friends 6 month old very lovingly; he clearly loves babies, although we had to let him know a warning is needed before you decide to just stop holding a baby. Thank goodness her mom is quick.
When we had some quiet time later, I said Z you really love babies. Do you want your sister from Haiti to be an older sister or baby? He said older. This surprised me. I have been thinking about it a lot because older children are more in need of homes, but at the same point I know I want a child not a teenager. There are some adoption professionals that say you should not adopt children older than your youngest child, which is what I had been thinking, a child younger than Z. Some people just say they should be younger than your oldest child.
I am hoping to discuss this with my home study social worker on Monday. I know some people get nervousness about the process of doing a home study, but having adopted the boys I have been through this intrusive processes before and get it.
One of the things they always ask you is why are you adopting? A number of people come by adoption because of infertility issues, but that's not me so I do not have to worry about the really prying questions. Unlike China and Columbia, many of the people adopting from Haiti are like me, simply wanting to add to their families by helping a child and/or single parents.
Adoption has always been a part of my life. I guess for a long time I just thought that was the way lots of people chose to make families. I have 5 cousins, and of those cousins, only one is biological.
When my two older cousins were adopted, they used to try to match the appearance of the child and parent. With my cousin Dan, they did a pretty good job. He looks Irish and very similar to my brothers, my cousin Sue though was not as good of a match. I wish tall, skinny, and blonde were in my genetic make-up. I look at N and although he clearly is not an attempt to match the appearance of a child and parent, he is in someways so like my grandma Hayes and Z can be so much like my dad. Maybe we start to see our relatives in our children when they are adopted, but I also think God's in control of everything so I bet there is still some matching of a different kind going on with my boys.
(Jeff and the Boys during our recent trip.) On the trip where Z held the baby, we also visited my two younger cousins from the other side of my family, Jeff in Philly and Bob in DC. I remember when my Aunt adopted Jeff, it was in January and I was in 4th grade. My mom, teaching in the same school, passed a note to my teacher to give me. It read, "Mary (my aunt) got a baby." Being almost 10 years older than my cousin Jeff, we created an instant bond. The same as when his brother came along 3 years later. Adoption is more normal than birth in my family.
It was neat to watch the whole thing come full circle as I watched the boys with my cousins on this trip. Jeff is amazing with them calm, yet firm and not intimidated at all. Bob is the cousin who will feed them 2-3 bags of cookies before his wife gives him the look like are you crazy. I have tried to be open about adoption and to help the boys to see adoption as a good thing as I hope it has been with my cousins.
I came to adoption in a much different way than my Aunts and Uncles. I had always dreamed of meeting the man of my dreams, settling down and having a family, but Mr. Right never seemed to show up only Mr. Not Really Interested in Girls, Mr. What was I thinking, and Mr. Not Right. This is what led me to eventually adopt the boys.
In my mind I had two thoughts: maybe God had not sent me a husband because he thought I would not be a good parent or maybe carrying my "Full Figure Midget Model" (as my sister-in-law has referred to it) body on was not the nicest thing to do to a kid. I also feared that as I was getting closer to 40, if I had my own child, my baby might come out with two heads! This is what led me to consider adoption and specifically foster to adopt. My theory being that if I really stunk as a parent, it was kind of like rent-to-own and a better family could be found for the child.
Now six years later, I have two amazing boys and am looking to add a daughter. Unlike foster care and the fear of giving a child back (which yes, I have had to do,) I am so excited to begin this journey and know that when I see her face for the first time, she will be mine. It is a feeling that probably most mom's take for granted, but I am so looking forward to.
Please pray for my family and daughter as we begin our homestudy this week.
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If you wish to help with the exorbitant cost of adoption, please consider shopping or donating.
I have a store front at Just Love Coffee Roasters where people can buy coffee.
https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/finnerty/
I am currently raising money and selling items through One Mission Fundraising. This is both a basic donation site as well as a site that sells gifts for fundraising. So people can choose to shop or just donate.
https://onemissionfundraising.com/fundraisers/finnerty-family-adoption-fund/
Anyone who just wants to make a donation by writing a check, and not have a portion of it go to fees for the One Mission Site, can make one to my agency on my behave. Because they are a non-profit, the donations can be written off on your taxes. If you are interested, checks, that have a post it note attached with my name on it or a note accompanying the check with my name, can be made out to and sent to:
EAC Inc.
Attention Tina Fell
12608 Alameda Drive
Strongsville, OH 44149
I am also taking donations for a garage sale in October, looking for people to start saving their gas and electric bills so I can save them some money while making some for the adoption, and open to any other ways people think they can help.
Thank you for any help you can give!!!
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