I remember when I started my foster to adopt journey taking classes where they would ask, "It's the first day of being a foster parent, the child arrives at your door, what does your child look like?" You don't want to give them the real answer you're picturing in your head because you want to be happy with any child they would give you, but mine was a little African-American girl. Every single time I pictured-a little African-American girl.
Fast-forward two years, and I'm madly in love with a little African-American boy. I have purchased a home and life seems to be falling into place. Mr. Right may have never come along, but I was content with my little family. But my world was soon to be turned upside down.
One day, I received a call from N's worker that his birth mother was pregnant again. This did not go along with my plans, but they were God's plans. I never planned on having two kids in daycare at once, so close together, and wasn't even sure when I would have more kids if ever. But I thought maybe this would be the little girl that I imagined, the little African-American girl from my classes.
When the baby was born, I had to make the decision to send N to live with another family so he could be with his sibling or take the new baby. It was a no-brainer, whether it had been my plans or not, but this wasn't the little girl I dreamed of. It was a boy and to be honest he wasn't even really African-American.
It was a hard beginning, but I began to fall in love with Z. He is an amazing little boy who looks at an ant as if it's a legal document he's analyzing before signing; he gives me presents over and over because he loves to give presents like I do; and he can give any adult a run for their money when working on a puzzle.
The boys' birth mom continued to have babies, but I knew my limits at the time of the next birth: two small children under the age of 3 was enough for one to handle. Since I had adopted the boys in October 2012, I was able to say I could not take their sibling when he was born. I remember that cold November day crying in the Tops' parking lot, but knowing it was the right thing to do for my family.
During N and Z's young life I had I had been asked to do respite care for two teenagers from my school while their soon to be adoptive parents went to visit their adult son. These girls were amazing, and I enjoyed the different kind of parenting it took for a teenager: helping them with homework, helping them make crafts for events at school, and going to their sporting events.
These girls inspired me to consider adopting another child, but this time an older girl who was a teenager. As soon as the customary six months had gone by since my adoption, I asked to foster a teenage girl. I was very specific in my request and soon received a call for a teenager. I committed to this teenager, but the year was rough to say the least. I lost faith in the system, in how they treated me, in how they treated my family, and in how they treated this child. I quickly became exhausted with the system, and the stress it was putting on my family.
I still though longed to adopt a girl. There's just a different relationship between a mother and her daughter. I am blessed with an awesome mother and wanted to share that same experience with a little girl.
Again the boys' birth mom had a baby but again it was a boy, and he went to live with his other sibling. I secretly knew even if it was a girl, I just couldn't handle the system anymore. I had been put through the wringer.
Meanwhile, my friends had been working very hard to adopt a child after countless years of issues with fertility. They began extensive fundraisers to raise money for their adoption and in less than a year, we're blessed with enough money to adopt a child and were chosen by a birth family to raise their little girl.
Adoptive families had become part of my life during this time. I had many friends from the foster care system that adopted children and had join countless groups that worked with orphans. As I began to learn the plight of orphans around the world, I began to question myself could I be a mother to another child, but I knew it could not be through foster care.
I prayed about it for a very long time and then one day I saw a statistic: if 7% of the worlds' Christians provided for orphans there would virtually be no orphans. This haunted me for many months. I knew for some reason I had seen that statistic and began to pray again about expanding my family.
During the same time, I often read about adoption from international countries and particularly the children of Haiti. I prayed and prayed, but feared I would never be able to afford the cost of an international adoption. I learned about grants that were available for international adoption, and I learned about how children in Haiti in particular are often left to die for medical and physical conditions that in America could be easily fixed.
As I watched the success of my friends through their adoption fundraisers and the adoption of their little girl, I longed for the same experience to be able to help a child for her entire life. I began to research adoption agencies and had discovered a website called Rainbow kids. The site showed countless pictures of children throughout the world who had not be adopted after being abandoned by their families for financial reasons, medical reasons, and reasons we can never understand in our country.
The question was whether I could really do this, but I prayed and truly believed it was God's calling in my life. I prayed and prayed and soon found a non-profit adoption agency that seemed to match my needs. This doesn't guarantee that I will end up with that little girl I pictured so many years ago; it just means I have begun a journey. The rest is up to God.
The week I received a confirmation that I had been chosen to adopt a child from Haiti, I was ecstatic and posted it on Facebook to share with my friends. There were almost 100 likes to my post and 30 some positive comments, yet there are always the naysayers. And maybe I am too sensitive, but the naysayers are the voices I hear in my head late at night, when my boys are not behaving, and when I get an idea for another fundraiser.
Two people questioned my decision, one because he questioned the idea of international adoption and the high cost of international adoption. The other one questioned me for reasons, I may never know but it hurt. If you announce you're pregnant nobody says are you sure about this, but somehow people feel they can with adoption.
I agree with the naysayers about the cost of international adoption, it seems like children are being sold. But this is not really the case, many things surrounding international adoption are expensive and controlled by the Hague agreement-a set of laws to control the international adoption system.
But most countries that these children come from are not like ours. There are no foster care systems to protect these orphans; there are no social services to provide their parents the necessary money to provide them the medical care they need; and there are not even hospitals that offer the medical care that they need if there were money. The poverty in Haiti is extensive and has created an abundance of orphans. Much of the money surrounding international adoption goes to pay for services to provide for children who have not yet been adopted and also goes to provide for visas, passports, medical clearances, and legal fees. Our country provides for children like this so that they can quickly be adopted, and people who choose to adopt them do not have to deal with extensive upfront costs. (But with our system comes problems, problems that I knew from my experience I could no longer handle.).
My journey is all in God's hands. I truly believe if I'm supposed to get a daughter, God will place her in my life, but I also know that I need to do my part to work to get this child. It could take me years to get the upfront money to adopt a child from Haiti, but as I worked on saving this child would be suffering, I would be getting older, and the distance between my children would become greater. So using every cent I have and fundraising are my only options to speed this process along.
People don't think twice about asking you to give to their child's hockey team, to donate for their walk for some illness, to buy an item for their child's field trip, or to buy a raffle ticket for their church. So why is adoption different. Adoption is making the difference in the life of a child; it's giving a child a home that he/she otherwise might not have. Your friends' child is not going to become an NBA basketball star because you bought a ticket to their spaghetti dinner or helping someone's child by buying some candy bars for his/her school trip is not going to make him/her a Rhodes scholar. But contributing to an international adoption helps to save a child's life: to provide for them what every child deserves in life, a family that loves and cares about them.
Maybe I will never be matched with a child or come up with enough money. If this is God's plan it's his plan and I accept that. When I can't accept, is a double standard that comes with international adoption fundraisers. I'm cutting coupons and doing everything I can to hopefully bring home my daughter, but I need more help than just myself. You may not be able to adopt a child yourself, but can you financially help a child; are you part of the 7% of Christians who could make a difference in the life of a child? If you're not that's okay. I hope that when you consider making a donation to a charity you have always donated to such as the SPCA or Salvation Army you think about the kids of Haiti and if it is God's will my child. But, I also understand counting pennies and cutting corners as I am doing it to save for this adoption.
If I am never matched with a child or raise enough money; it's okay the money I have raised I will donate to the orphan cause in someway or another as well as some of my own money, and the rest of my money can go back into savings for some other time when someone asks me to donate to their cause, and hopefully I can help them. I have never been one to say no when people ask me to help their cause.
I could've taken the money I've already spent towards my Haitian adoption and used that to conceive my own daughter, but how does that help anyone. I want to help a child. I want to give them what they otherwise would not have. I don't just want a daughter.
So if I ask you to donate to my cause feel free to say no; it's okay it's your choice. I hope that when you buy a present for someone at Walmart you remember it goes to some CEO: buying a gift for someone from my cause goes to help a child. Donate to my cause, and you know you're making a difference. Donate to some charities and it may just be going to the pockets of some bigwigs or it may really be making a difference.
But most importantly I ask that you pray that God's will be done whatever that may be . . .
